WHAT MATTERS

PhotoCredit: Measure

Someone once asked me what my life purpose was. It’s an important question. One of those small questions that haunt you. That stick with you. My instant reply was “supporting founders and visionaries to make their dreams a reality.” It sounded corny the minute I said it. It still sounds corny.

Maybe the truth is just corny. This is why I write this blog. It’s why I desperately try to be available to anyone who needs guidance. It’s why I love the work I do on boards of companies with big visions. It’s why I love OKR’s.

Maybe that seems like an awkward segue but OKR’s will power your dreams into reality. Objectives and Key Results. A brilliant tool that can be used for business or personal goals. They are simple, whittling something elusive into tangible actions and measurable outcomes. Best of all, they drive radical honesty about the real work that needs to be done to achieve your ambitious ruminations.

Coz, let’s face it, sometimes you have to try on the skinny jeans to know you are not quite at your goal weight yet. Sometimes you have to look the numbers straight in the eye and face that you are many zero’s away from your revenue goals. OKR’s are the reality check we all need when life gets in the way (the theme of this year). When the busy-work gets in the way (it always will). When we get in our way (you know you do).

There is a lot written on this topic. I am including some resources I love at the end of this. I don’t intend to cover ground which has already been traversed. My goal in writing today is to get you familiar with the concept and curious about giving it a go. I will also do a follow up next week on some things I and others learned as we started our OKR journey.

My best advice is twofold. First, read the book Measure What Matters by John Doerr. It will change your life, seriously.

Second, sit down and just have a go at drafting and see what comes through for you. Give it a whirl. The format is so simple. Start with an Objective. If you are greedy you can have more than one but NEVER more than five. These are things you think you can achieve in the next 18 months plus. One great example is “Win The SuperBowl” and another is JFK’s declaration to “Land A Man On The Moon”. You don’t have to be that ambitious but, heck, why not! I like to put a date on these, so I have a target. This isn’t critical.

Next comes Key Results. These are the things you expect will happen as you progress. Ask yourself, how you will know when you are on track towards that goal. These must be measurable. We defer to SMART goals here but, simply put, make sure you have a number in each Key Result. And make sure that number feels like a stretch goal, something you aspire to and are 70-80% sure you can hit it but that it’s not a sure thing. So “grow my daily active users by 30%” is a great example. 

The final step, for bonus points as you get familiar with this, is to detail what initiatives you think will get you the Key Result. These are things you can test. OKR’s are regularly reviewed, so as one initiative isn’t working to “move the needle” you can try other initiatives. So this might be “go on a Keto diet” or “run 3 times a week” if your goal is a personal fitness/skinny jeans one.

It really is that simple.

Objective: Get my blog drafted Sunday night 
Key Result: Write 600 words by 7pm
Initiatives: 
Ask Mark to walk Winston
Pour a glass of wine and start writing
Put a power-ballad jam on Spotify
Write about something I love

NAILED IT.

Have a play. See how it goes. Maybe work on something you want to get done by the end of the year. Maybe start planning your world domination. You are doing great. You have almost survived 2020. You’ve got this!

Resources:
Start Here: https://www.perdoo.com/the-ultimate-okr-guide/
Great Team Exercise/Planning Tool: https://www.atlassian.com/team-playbook/plays/okrs
The Starter Kit: https://felipecastro.com/resource/The-Beginners-Guide-to-OKR.pdf
LONG Video on how google does OKR’s: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJB83EZtAjc

ESCAPE HATCH

PhotoCredit: Chick

I just spent a week away. Nothing fancy, a little local trip to escape the city. These mini trips have been a needed escape hatch this year. I get that it’s a luxury. 2019 luxuries were spa treatments, international trips and hugs. 2020 luxuries are a quiet mind and a quick home workout. Maybe a curbside pickup meal. Moments without being a breadwinner, teacher, parent, chef and housekeeper. I appreciate the little things a lot more in 2020. 

While others were having 10am happy hour, poolside, I had completed my morning hike and was invariably settling in with some quality computer time. My idea of a vacation apparently changed somewhere along the way. I happily plowed my way through articles I hadn’t found the time to read, deep diving on a couple of topics of interest and catching up on the stuff that was important but not urgent.

The Eisenhower Matrix taught me the power of understanding what is Urgent and Important. Simply put, what has to be done first. Every other task becomes of lesser importance, they become “do later” tasks. Urgent but Less Important; Not Urgent but Important; and Not Urgent or Important. 

I have always been a big fan of this lesser known Matrix. Sure, it isn't as cool as the Keanu one but it will arguably bring you more pleasure. At various times in my career, I sorted my email based on this methodology. It works! Try it if your inbox is currently completely unmanageable.

The problem is that everything in 2020 has felt Urgent and Important. There seems to be no room for anything else. Ok, so a lot of the Not Urgent or Important tasks seem to get done. I will find time to reorder coffee and even research and buy a new coffee machine (arguably this is Urgent and Important!) but reading a paper on data architecture falls by the wayside. You do the math!

The bigger problem is that a lot of your career-changing and business-transformation ideas lie in the not-urgent realm. They are being overlooked in the chaos. We have to find a way to prioritize this work.

As 2020 draws to a close, we know we can expect a similar 2021. For many, we will still be working and schooling from home. At least in part. Even if we are not, there is an urgency to the current global climate that will continue to throw us off our game. That will continue to make the day-to-day Urgent and everything else a mere wake in the path of the year.

My escape hatch has become a core strategy to optimize myself and my work. A planned week, with limited phone calls (none if possible), provides the space to think and review what is Important but elusive in a busy year. In a busy life!

I offer the Eisenhower Matrix as a tool to help you prioritize the competing demands that are our new reality. I offer the escape hatch as a power-up on this. Sort through your to-do list and create an escape hatch list. You don’t need to leave town (though it sure helps). Just clear your calendar to the bare minimum and create time to think.

DON'T SPEAK

PhotoCredit: Hush

This week feels hard. The eyes of the world fall heavily on us. We have a decision to make. We are making a decision. One that will be unpopular no matter what. There will be a winner but, what feels more clear, is that there will also be losers. I personally struggle deeply with outcomes that deliver a severe loss to one side. Apparent or real. It’s all real.

My practice is to stay in the present moment. It’s a weird one right now. Our “present” feels temporarily on hold. We are standing in the vortex, the eye of the storm. There is no present. It’s on life-support. The heart beat is so faint. I have to sit really still to feel it. And I don’t want to sit still.

I’m pretending I am not thinking about it. Good luck with that. It’s the only thing I am thinking about. It’s certainly the only thing anyone wants to talk about. 

I find myself not knowing what to say. What possibly hasn’t been said? The speaking thing seems not to be helping anyway. There is no healing when every opinion has to be right. Like our self-worth depends on landing a winning argument. Knowing more than others. Knowing better than others.

Answers will only take us so far. We need to say what we believe is right. Carefully, please. We absolutely must speak but not at the cost of listening. Listening like our lives depend on it. Like others lives depend on it.

FAST FORWARD

PhotoCredit: Iconic

There are lots of reasons to long for 2021. Long for 2020 to be a distant memory. With two months (almost) left in the year, I’m finding myself casting forward. Thinking about what I can achieve next year. What I might be able to create with a whole new year at my disposal. With this unexpected mess behind us. How glorious will 2021 be?

2020 took us all by surprise. We had such grand plans. A year of such numeric symmetry bode so well. The year we were going to achieve all of our dreams.

We were robbed.

Yes we were. Some more than others. Some robbed blind. 

We must always honor what has been lost. We must also always honor what is ignored. What we neglect. We joke about the pandemic pounds. We talk of zoom fatigue. We quietly admit we may be having the “odd” extra glass of wine. We claim it’s impossible to motivate ourselves to workout at home. Like the gremlin of 2020 is forcing us, against our will, to avoid the changes we know we should make.

It’s all 2020's fault.

But. Your diet was not perfect pre-pandemic. You were already meeting fatigued...zoom fatigue just sounds more acceptable. PuhLEASE, we have all been avoiding our workouts since we became not 7-anymore. And let's not talk about drinking - that would require way more self-awareness than I can muster in this moment.

Dreaming of 2021 is futile. Possibly feeble even? It’s time we embrace the present. As uncomfortable and confronting as that is. What can I do now? In this moment? What can I do with the two remaining months of 2020? We have lost enough - it’s time to gain something back. Well, other than pounds!

From little change comes big change. When we accomplish one goal we start to look at other things we can conquer. We show up in the world with a sense that all change is possible. So let’s do our little things so maybe some of the big shit can start to shift. Now is the time.

MAKE YOUR BED

PhotoCredit: SweetDreams

Every morning I make our bed. I leave the bedroom with the deep satisfaction that I have done one thing well for the day. My perfectionist tendencies are satiated by pillows neatly placed and the duvet smoothed down. All is well with the world.

For a moment anyway. Winston has opposing tendencies. In a fierce battle of wills, he is determined to prove that dogs do belong on furniture. I return to my bedroom to find a neat 50-pound puppy sized indent in the duvet. Invariably accompanied by a toy, carefully placed like a calling card. Puppy waz here. 

When our beloved Rugby died earlier this year I found my clean floors impossible to enjoy. There was no satisfaction in a tidy house without a permanent supply of fur. I am now constantly irritated by my messy floors and it makes my heart so happy. I secretly love finding the indent in the duvet each morning. It’s officially a game and, unofficially, a ritual.

These are signs of life. It’s a good thing that my world doesn’t stay neat and perfect. Neat and perfect, I realize, are signs of absence, death and decay. Our messy and chaotic existence is vibrant and full of possibility and potential - even though it’s largely inconvenient.

As we remain trapped by a pandemic, we start to feel trapped by everything else. The pandemic shines a spotlight on all the suboptimal in our existence. Superficial and real. The messed up bed and the messed up politics. You can choose which of those is superficial. It actually doesn't matter much, there is a difference but also - there is not. It all manifests as frustration which builds and wears on us. And builds and wears on us. Like a rock that has been beaten down by years of crashing waves. After all the days of 2020, we wear thin. We seek fairness and justice and we long for travel and hugs and a sense of whatever ‘normal’ was.

Inconvenient feels like the polite thing to say.

In yoga we often do a counter-pose after a challenging sequence. More than a rest, counter-poses are active practices that bring ease to the body (and the mind). They are designed to restore balance. A place of calm in an intense practice. Space to assimilate what our teacher is trying to show us. What she wants us to learn.

A great teacher knows that these moments are critical. Without them we have just wear and tear.

We need moments that allow us to see the good alongside the destruction. To appreciate the stubbornness of the puppy and to be thankful for the fur on the floor. Muscles - and minds - need time to rebuild. We need to do the counter-poses. Even if just for a moment.

WISE WORDS

PhotoCredit: EliseGravel

I recently had the pleasure of interviewing some superstar female founders. Maybe these aren’t word for word what I was told (#artisticlicense) but they capture the inspiring brilliance that ensued:

1. Don’t work on your weaknesses, it’s a waste of time.

2. Show up magnificently or don’t show up at all.

3. Surround yourself with those who love you and support your greatness.

4. Optimize sleep, exercise and diet to optimize your life.

5. Defensiveness will only limit you.

6. When in doubt, immediately pause and seek advice.

7. Life is long, you will have multiple adventures.

8. Think scale in all you do.

9. Lead with your heart and from your heart.

10. Be Who You Are.

These are war cries. Pick-me-up’s on bad day’s. Reminders to self to lead an exceptional life. Reminders to self not to compromise our greatness.

Don’t work on your weaknesses, it’s a waste of time. Work more on your strengths and surround yourself with people who are great at the things you are not. This isn’t permission to be a non-evolving asshole. Growth is always required. Perfection is not.

Show up magnificently or don’t show up at all. Don’t compromise yourself. Figure out how you function best and cultivate those habits in your life. Be ready for the spotlight, always.

Surround yourself with those who love you and support your greatness. Set your life up so you are supported and can support others. You will be happier and more successful.

Optimize sleep, exercise and diet to optimize your life.  Health shortcuts will eventually demand you repay the deficit. With interest!

Defensiveness will only limit you. Take the advice you are given. Absorb it. Own it. The stuff that rubs the wrong way is likely the stuff that you really need to hear.

When in doubt, immediately pause and seek advice. Don’t keep digging when you think you might be in a hole. 

Life is long. You will have multiple adventures. It’s easy to think each venture is the only venture or that we are STUCK in the job we have. Instead of looking for the exit - look for learning and growth opportunities. How can this moment prepare you for your future greatness?

Think scale in all you do. You are not building a billion dollar business on day one - but you should know what that path might look like. Think bigger (and dream bigger) than you dare. 

Lead with your heart and from your heart. Fuel your people and your projects with passion and consciousness. You will thrive, your people will thrive and your business will thrive.

Be Who You Are. There is no mold that you have to fit in. It’s your life, live it the way you want to. Be the person you want to be - not the person others think you should be. 

ROBOTIC

PhotoCredit: ByteDance

I remember my friend asking whether she should join TikTok. My reply was an instant and emphatic no. The last thing she needed to add to her busy life was another distraction. Another technology platform to learn. Another social media beast that was ravenous for content.

I still maintain I was right, but part of me was wrong. Distraction is bad, absolutely. However, new technology platforms are always worth investigating. It’s important we observe the waves of innovation. Never turn your back on the ocean.

I followed TikTok in the media from it’s early days. I saw the numbers climb. I could see something interesting happening but for some reason I never ventured into the app. It’s easy to dismiss a piece of technology that seems inherently designed for play. As TikTok, and the alleged importance of it’s algorithm, hit the headlines...I wanted to know more.

This podcast from Andreessen Horowitz (Spotify and Google) is the best analysis I have come across. The piece of the conversation I find most intriguing is the conversation about TikTok’s focus on the interest graph over the social graph. This is significant because it means content is discovered based on your preferences versus who you are following. Instagram does this a little if you navigate to search. TikTok’s main navigation works in a similar way, but better. This podcast explains that TikTok went all in on this functionality, giving priority to the content you love over the people you purport to love, friend, heart or follow.

The interest graph is an important innovation. AI and Machine learning’s ability to learn who we are and deliver relevant content is going to evolve many industries. I believe this is why TikTok is viewed as such a threat. Personally, I prefer this to the outsized influence of - well, “influencers”. TikTok is a (baby) step back towards the meritocracy that social media once offered.

I am under no delusion that TikTok is just another social media platform that will behave in the way all large media platforms behave. Power corrupts. If we have ever known this to be true it is now. No, this is not a TikTok rave. My main purpose with today’s blog is to share the podcast and the insight that TikTok’s technology isn’t the killer innovation it’s purported to be. It’s the inherent design of the app that makes the algorithm powerful. 

Technology can seem complex when the big words are used and technologists speed-mumble explain it. While this podcast does trip over a few big words and terms, it mostly does a great job of revealing the simplicity of how this tech works. 

I also wanted to sow the seed of broader inquiry. What are you dismissing outright? What are you chalking up to being a big-waste-of-your-valuable-time. Sure, it’s hard to keep up with all things technology. And sure, you have important things to accomplish. Focus first, always. I just want to check in that you are not getting too comfortable under your rock. We don’t want you to fossilize.  

CARE-LESS

PhotoCredit: PoolSide

We just spent a blissful week away. I became rather addicted to ordering my dinner poolside and very addicted to the simplicity of vacation-existence. All the things that didn’t need to be done. The official no-worries zone.

Nothing feels complicated in a universe where your morning begins with deciding what swimsuit to wear that day.

It got me thinking, how can I bring vacation-simplicity into my life? While I can’t wander West Hollywood in a bikini, well actually I probably could, surely there are other things I can borrow from the no-worries zone.

It’s a great question. It seemed like an easy question. I challenged myself to make three changes in my life to cultivate simplicity. Until I got home and the concept seemed impossible. Everything went back to normal in an instant. Unpacking, laundry, deliveries and groceries felt like a punishment. I resented the re-entry into normality.

Finding ease in your day-to-day life is a great question. It’s also a hard question. It’s a question I expect I will continue to ponder. Am I the creator of the worry zone? Probably.

Probably and, I realize, forgivably. We are all in some version of the worry zone. Much of it is our own making, but there is a heck of a lot that is beyond our control. 

My life is not that complex, I make it complex. I make it harder than it needs to be. I am the source of the worry zone. Just as you my dear friends are the source of yours. No doubt you have some very valid reasons to worry. This will always be true. My question for you is this. If you went on vacation tomorrow...how much lighter would you feel? The problems are there but can the problems feel different in the no-worries zone?

When we worry about life's worries we compound the issues. We literally make life harder. Put on a metaphorical bathing suit, sit by an imagined pool and breath. It's not the answer but it's a much better space to ask the question.

UPSIDE DOWN

Photo Credit: Battish

I woke up this morning feeling pretty depleted. Welcome to Monday. I had a board meeting on Sunday (New Zealand Monday) and so Saturday was reading board papers and Sunday was all work. So Monday feels like...well who even knows anymore. 

Usually I bounce out of bed and write my blog first thing on a Monday. Usually I draft it on Sunday. Today I sat in bed and drank coffee while scrolling through my email and looking for new dog toys that might take Winston the puppy more than a nano-second to destroy. Welcome to a six-month old puppy. #Ieateverything.

My practice, and let’s call it a discipline because it needs to be, is to do things like email and toy-purchasing at the end of the day. I do a quick email-check to make sure I am not holding anything up but I work hard not to get sucked into the Hamster-Wheel of letting my inbox dictate my priorities. I focus on the stuff that will move my life forward, while my brain is fresh.

There was nothing fresh about my brain today. 

So the puppy got a bath instead. The laundry got done. The rubbish taken out. The dying roses were liberated from their vases. The house got a vacuum. I had a second coffee. 

How familiar does this sound? Procrastinate much?

Daily, this is a problem. When your brain-battery needs a charge, we need to give ourselves a big fat pass on the discipline. Especially when the life stuff is staring us in the face much more than it usually does. Or staring ourselves in the nose, in the case of puppies that need a bath. 

I am acutely aware that today’s distractions were instant gratification for my productivity-obsessed self. They were easy, low-hanging, to-do list fruit. So I grabbed it. There is something nice about feeling like you are winning the day from a stalled-start.

So check in with yourself on a daily basis. Do you need to clock some productivity points and feel like the day has momentum. Go for it! Get those little things done. You deserve to feel like a winner. Then get to work. Make another cup of coffee and sit down and power up your future. Sweat the small stuff but make sure the real workout happens too. You owe it to yourself to make sure you spend more time in the forest than in the weeds. Or something like that.

A LIFETIME

Photo Credit: Yemelia Nova

Husband and I have been married for 12 years as of next Sunday. Craziness. For those of you who know us, we are a super happy couple. Just the right combination of independence and codependency. He says he could do laundry if he had to. I don’t think he could. Likewise, I think I could get out of bed in the morning if he didn’t bring me coffee. I probably could, if I had to. 

As nice as those things are, they don’t really matter. The flowers he forgets to buy me don’t matter. It doesn’t really matter when I schedule a board meeting on his birthday. The biscotti I lovingly make for him doesn’t matter. His endless support of my insane schedule doesn’t matter much either. 

What matters is that we are both paying attention. We are not zoning out; endlessly numbing ourselves with life’s distractions and busy-ness and just going through the motions. Which is easy to do. It’s easy to get lost in all the stuff. Especially right now. Though let’s be real about the fact that this is not a new problem. It’s just a very heightened problem in this moment.

Mark and I have learnt that when we start failing as individuals, we start failing as a couple. It’s never the other way around. We struggle collectively when we struggle individually. When we stop working on ourselves. When we numb out and stop challenging ourselves to grow.

As part of the burn-out series, I was asked how we support our teams as we try to not burn out ourselves. It’s a question I get reasonably frequently. It’s an important consideration but it’s also a distraction. Just as I strengthen my marriage when I optimize myself, we help our teams when we help ourselves.

For years I tried to get Mark to do yoga. In vain. Nothing worked until I dedicated myself to my practice. He saw the change in me. He saw how happy, strong and grounded I was. That was the point he decided he wanted to start. As we show up and grow up we provide the space for others to decide the same. Or not. We can’t change other people, we can only change ourselves.

One of the most powerful questions we can ask ourselves when we are not getting what we need from others, whether loved ones or employed ones, is “what is my part in this?” It’s a hard question to ask and it’s an even harder one to answer. Where can you be stronger, where are you not paying attention? 

It’s easy to make everything someone else’s problem. To have impact and influence, we need to make the problems ours. Own it.

PRACTICAL MAGIC

Photo Credit: Wand

When I was five years old I fell off a jungle gym and broke my nose. I don’t remember that, but I do remember the horrific reconstruction process later in my teens. I support all your life decisions - except elective nose surgery. That is one life experience I didn’t need.

It’s my fear of falling flat on my face (again) that restricts my progress with the bakasana pose I talked about last week. The pose literally requires you to suspend your face inches off the ground. One day I put a big bolster in front of me. Worst case, practicing this way, I end up face-planted into a pillow. That I can handle. More reconstructive nose surgery I cannot.

The pillow is a support that allows me to fully commit to the pose without fear. 

This post is your burn-out pillow. What follows are five steps to support you in the chaotic practice that is your life. They do not require much change or additional work. Just little tweaks that will make your day, week - and hopefully eventually your life - much stronger.

Step One - Maker Time: Schedule two maker blocks in your day. Make them 90 minutes each. I like them at the start of the day and make sure you do these somewhere other than your usual workspace. Even your bed if you have to. This is your time to work on focussed projects OR just to have some space to think about what those projects should be. No phones, no email - just you and your project!

Step Two - Binaural Beats: If you are not using these, start now. Perfect for maker time or any non-meeting time you need to focus. They are abundantly available on youtube and spotify. They are better than a cup of coffee. And I love my coffee. 

Step Three - Phone Management: Put your phone on silent and turn that thing UPSIDE DOWN when you are at your desk. You are creating constant interruptions with notifications and calls. Each time you are distracted your brain has to work twice as hard to get your back on task. Set up your family as favorites to make sure your kids can still get hold of you. Well, that’s optional <wink>.

Step Four - Social Time: Calendar specific times in your day for social media. Casual browsing messes with your brain in so many ways. Let alone your poor eyes constantly looking at screens. Of course you need a break; so do a breathing exercise, non-video call someone or take a walk around the block. The same goes for reading news all the time. Let’s not even go there with all the ways THAT messes with your brain.

Step Five - Self Audit: This is a pretty quick exercise. One piece of paper. Column A on the left and Column B on the right. Column A is all the stuff you are NAILING at the moment. Column B all the stuff you feel is sub-optimal (likely stuff like Me-Time, Exercise. Eating Well, Meditating, Breathing, Special (and important) Projects). Take one thing from Column A you care least about and switch it with the one thing from Column B you care most about. Your work is to implement the reprioritization of those tasks. For example, no online shopping till you have meditated!

BONUS STEP - Unscheduled Day: This was recently dubbed ‘Flexible Friday” as I have always kept my Friday’s unscheduled. I do NOT book meetings or frankly any commitments on a Friday. I probably get the most work and thinking of my week done on this day. The lack of commitments makes it effortless to focus on what is most important. Sometimes this is a project and sometimes this is being available for my team, my family or frankly me! One of my fav. add-on’s to this is to book a monthly massage at 4.30pm on a Friday and have that day dedicated to powering up your business. Genius idea!

Trust me. Test these. Let me know what works and what doesn’t. I promise, you will not fall on your face.

THE REALNESS

Photo Credit: Rainbows

It’s not going to come as news to any of you that I love yoga. Deep love. ‘Don’t get between me and my yoga' kindof love. My first real studio was in New York and frequented by Juilliard dancers. I think I have told this story before. It's the story where I spend a LOT of time feeling deeply insecure about my inability to do most of the poses. Where I spend a lot of time comparing myself to everyone else in the room.

And a lot of time missing the point. 

The point isn’t how well you do the pose. It couldn’t matter less. The point of yoga is to link breath with movement and unleash the power of presence and biochemistry that results. That's a little reductionist but I had a dream once where I was saying exactly that while being interviewed by Oprah. So it must be right.

I tell husband-Mark this every time we practice. You know, in that helpful, loving wife know-it-all way. "Honey, don’t worry about the pose, just focus on your breath". And moments later I hear the audible strain of him doing the complete opposite. 

He knows. I know. I still hold my breath. I still strain. I still look at him doing Bakasana like a damn PRO and contain my inner pissed-off’d-ness that he can do it better than me. Mr ‘I picked up yoga 18 months ago’. "Honey that’s amazing" I say - doing my best impersonation of an enlightened yogi who understands we are all on our different paths. While thinking ‘WTF’ under my strained breath.

I want what he’s got AND I want what I’ve got. And I want it now. Veruca Salt level impatient, unrealistic and demanding.

Impatient, unrealistic and demanding - on myself.

This is the stuff burnout is made of.

It’s not a pandemic issue. It existed long before. It’s just the list of what we want has grown. Our quest for perfection in that small corner of our life expanded exponentially at the start of the pandemic. An already untamed beast just got unleashed from its cage and is roaming, hungry for gold stars for excellence achieved in the home. We expect to be teachers and daycare and cleaners and chefs and - oh yeah - full time professionals. 

We talked about subtraction last week. I know you all nodded as you read and many of you emailed me. You get it. It's not complex math by any means. So, what did you subtract? Anything? I know you had good intentions. I also know you well enough to know that #stuff got in the way. Why do I know? Because it’s hard for me too.

This is the realness. You know better than this. You know better, but you are not doing the things you know you should do. We are in auto-pilot or we are coping or we are barely holding on. And It takes a massive force to exact change. That’s time, energy and focus that you just don’t have spare. 

The realness is that you are too busy to change. That’s a massive problem. That is the problem. 

Next week I will share active steps you can take to change. Today’s homework is to decide that you are NOT too busy to change. To see that excuse for the bullshit it is. Pardon my language, but this is the realness.

We are all where we are. Looking around the room at everyone else is just not helpful. It’s an exercise in futility to add things to your list that don’t spark joy (we love you Marie Kondo) or take you towards your dreams. It’s worse than that, sadder than that, it makes you less of who you truly are. But no more! Welcome to the realness.

CHANNELING CHANEL

Photo Credit: Chanel

The words and wisdom of Coco Chanel were once a rally-cry for me. She made me stand up taller, care more, want more and know that anything was possible. 

While her brand feels totally out of step with today’s world, she was once a determined underdog with a vision. A woman who did a good job pretending she had it all under control. A woman who masked her insecurities with a good pair of shoes and her editing eye. There is wisdom lurking under her slightly judgmental and deeply-privileged perspective.

I have always followed Chanel’s rule of looking in the mirror and taking one thing off before I leave the house. As a total magpie (if it’s shiny I want it), I am prone to a desire to wear at least two outfits at once. Not only does that leave me looking like a Christmas Tree but I usually wind up feeling burdened by the heels or the necklace or the bag - the one thing too many. That tendency carries over to my to-do list. Exponentially. 

In the universe of overwhelm we are our greatest enemy. We add but we don’t subtract. We don’t pause and look in the metaphorical mirror. We don’t even contemplate the option that less might be more. 

We know we should lighten our load. Being in various degrees of lockdown for the past - however many months it has been - has given us time to clean out our literal closets. What remains for us is to edit what is hiding in plain sight.

Scope-creep is a term widely used in the contracting world that also applies to the burden we place on ourselves.. It means that the original parameters of the brief, or job, have been lost as countless new requirements have been added. 

Scope-creep is problematic because it implies the original ask is no longer clear. For a contractor that usually means you are being overworked and underpaid. While I know that will resonate with you, it’s actually worse than that. We also lose something critical. We lose sight of who we want to be in the world. We get so busy getting the to-do’s done - we forget what it is all in service of. We lose ourselves. 

I know. That should really hurt to read. Sorry but...not sorry.

Weekends have become weekdays, email and entertainment merge, personal has become business. And business is getting personal. Our living room is an office, our bedrooms are offices, our kitchen is an office. We have become chefs and daycare and teachers and cleaners and social workers.

We have added and we haven’t subtracted.

So your mantra this week is “do less”. Every morning you will say this, every day you will honor this, every evening you will assess this. It's a simple exercise. I intentionally want to start small. Once we gain awareness of what we are doing we have a much greater capacity to change our actions. 

And it’s harder than it sounds. You will invent a million reasons to do the stuff that doesn’t matter. Watch yourself justify and rationalize. As you do, ask yourself “what is this in service to?” You, your future, your goals? Or are you feeding the busy-ness beast?

BURNT OUT

Photo Credit: Toast

I have long struggled with the concept of work-life balance. The notion of 'balance' in itself has always been a bit mystifying, elusive and incongruent with the reality of my squiggly life. Some days I struggle to even think about a walk around the block and my lunch consists of a cup of coffee. Other days, possibly out of desperation, I can barely bring myself to check email. My brain and body have temporarily quit on me as I reboot.

None of that has ever felt balanced. 

Later in my career, I have what feels like the luxury of being able to protect my schedule. I guard a couple of days a week to fit in some yoga and prep food. So at the very least I can heat up something more nutritious than coffee. These are my “flexible” days, inspired by Paul Graham's concept of maker-time. I know with confidence each week that I have time to move key projects forward. And to literally move myself.

Without that space in my life, well, I would have no life.

I was recently asked about this topic by someone who needed guidance. By someone who was struggling to have a life. I found myself somewhat frozen in the spotlight of the question. I have never been intentional about prioritization. I err on the side of generosity and openness with my time. This has led me to places I never would have imagined. Literally. Like Antarctica speaking at a TedX. It’s also taken me down a lot of dead-ends and, I now appreciate, has in some cases wasted a lot of my time.

So how do we find balance?

We are all donkey-deep in this issue at the moment. Some of us are still WFH and juggling all manner of life-balls being thrown at us. For reals, it’s really hard to stay balanced while juggling. Others of us are back in the office (hello New Zealand peeps) and the struggle is now to implement the good stuff you were doing when you worked from home. It’s an easy slide back into the coffee-for-lunch realm. And we are all working with the added pressure of not really knowing how this will all conclude. How our jobs, business and even industry will change and evolve from this bizarre turn of (pandemic) events. 

The next few posts will explore this topic. How do we optimize ourselves for growth in this moment without completely burning out? How do we, and can we even, set boundaries while staying open to new possibilities? My reflection is that this is more a matter of integration than balance. How can I integrate all the important component parts of my world so that I am kicking butt while not compromising my health, fitness, nutrition or my inbox. It’s a lofty goal...let’s see how we do. 

SPICE UP YOUR LIFE

Photo Credit: Spicey

I have become rather partial to re-organizing my cupboards. In a universe where I don’t get out much anymore, I have plenty of time to Marie Kondo to my hearts content. Some things feel hard to get rid of. It was easy to throw out spices that were no longer fragrant - clearly they would not pack a punch. Yesterday, I stalled over a stash of band-aids that we had likely had for 10 years. Expensive spices gone, but the band-aids I kept?

As I questioned this I realized there is an emotional need driving the band-aid hoarding. There is low to no alarm in the “what if I don’t have the right spice” moment but not having a bandage when I need one taps a primal survival vein. Especially in today’s environment. It’s frankly hard to let go of anything. 

My friend and I share a “back-up to the back-up” Covid-Inventory planning methodology (ie one must have a supply of three of all deemed necessary items). It works very well for vitamins, it’s highly problematic with ice cream (husband takes stockpiles of ice-cream as a personal challenge). As I spoke with my friend last night she curiously said “I had three months supply of everything - I wasn’t sure if I would be alive after that”.

She was joking but we all felt the apocalyptic vibes when the pandemic confined us all to our homes. I remember my grandparents would never throw anything away and my parents explained that behavior was a result of the scarcity they endured through the Great Depression. That was a much deeper cut than what we have experienced so far. But it raises the question, what scars will we emerge with?

I personally continue to see this moment in our lifetime as an opportunity for growth. Scars can heal with the right attention (and a good band-aid). If we create new practices and allow the new to unfold, the resultant behaviors will be net beneficial. It feels good to be cleaning out my literal and metaphorical cupboards. Cleansing what I don’t need and ensuring (moderate) supplies of what I do.

The postscript to this is that I needed a bandaid last night (the oven won the fight) and I used one of the old ones. It promptly fell off. So I threw them all away and ordered a stash of the fabulous Welly “bravery badges”. They are brilliant, both in style and function. My new spices are also incredible; I researched some smaller suppliers after reading a great article on supporting small economy’s through spices. All told it has felt great finding new brands to support and new experiences to have in my limited universe. There is still a lot of exploring we can do, even when we can’t get out much to do it. Especially when you have a good supply of Bravery Badges #backuptothebackup.

ALTERNATE REALITY

Alice

Alice in Wonderland sits permanently on my desk. An ode to the curious. A reminder that things are often not as they seem.

Well over 100 years later, Lewis Carroll's offering feels potent. Alice climbs through a mirror into a world that works in reverse. Remind you of anything? In one exchange the Red Queen offers to Alice that "...it takes all the running you can do to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!"

Which side of the looking glass are we really on?

In a number of my roles I work in an advisory capacity. My job is to question the presumed reality. I am the one pointing at the dark clouds in the distance when everyone else is packing up the car to go to the beach. Smacking the Kool-Aid out of your hands and throwing water in your face! Nah, not really. I’m so much nicer than that. That would be how Gordon Ramsay would do what I do.

When I do my best work I put a mirror up for people. Not so much to see their reflection but to see another version of their reality. To see an alternate reality.

We are hard-wired to seek confirmation and validation. We really don’t want to hear that it might take longer, be harder, have more competitors, or cost more. How often is your goal infinitely more complicated; significantly harder than expected; riddled with obstacles; and exponentially slower than you expected? Whether a kitchen remodel, a strategic plan, a personal goal or some days just getting through your darn inbox!

Our brain loves shortcuts. We are oriented to the positive and the simplistic. We hear what we want to hear and see what we want to see. “I’m sure no one really notices that I come in late every day.” “My clothes must be shrinking in the wash.” “He really loves me he’s just bad at remembering the things that are important to me.” Who doesn’t love a little delusion?

We need to stop drinking the Kool-Aid and put the delusion cupcake down.

To do this for yourself, the most useful process I have found is seeking disconfirming evidence. This is an active practice of looking to prove your hypothesis wrong rather than looking to validate your theory. It’s not a heck more complicated than that. Although, it is, because it requires you to question your own judgment. Spoiler-alert, your ego likes to think it has all the answers.

This world is already way more fiction than fact. Get grounded in reality by seeking answers from inquiry. Get Alice-Level curious about what you don’t know. Challenge your world view. Look for the stuff that makes you a little uncomfortable. Seek the information that runs counter to your plans.

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS

PhotoCredit: Lemons

My beautiful, amazing, life-affirming, quite crazy (in all the right ways) friend had a deep awareness of the fragility of life. It’s profound to me that she was taken from this earth as young and suddenly as she was. It’s as if she knew, all along, her days were numbered. 

I think about her daily. We didn’t live in the same country so her absence from this world feels abstract. It’s more like she just stopped texting. It’s more like we both got busy and stopped planning adventures. It doesn’t feel like she’s gone.

We are all living with pretty profound loss. Loss isn’t relative. Loss is personal. From jobs, to loved ones, to freedoms, to workplaces to summer holiday plans. What is real for you IS real. How do we support recovery from loss? How do we cope in this world that feels like endless grieving?

We can think about making lemonade with the lemons of life. I love to stay positive, it’s my Modus Operandi. But sometimes you just can’t. And sometimes you shouldn’t. 

My friend would say “when life takes away your lemons, throw rocks at it.” She would say it with a hint of resignation to the lack of control she had in that moment. Whether it was a bad grade, a breakup, the ongoing renovations of her house that never seemed to be finished or her stupid friend living so stupidly far away. 

Those were the easy things. She battled her way through a lot of hard stuff. A lot of stolen lemons.

I love her, I miss her, I am pissed off she is gone. We can all learn to live with our altered existences but it really doesn’t mean we have to like it. It’s ok to be angry. It’s ok to be hurt and it’s ok to be frustrated.

Feel the pain. Don’t pretend it’s not there. Stop for a moment when it bubbles up. We don't need to race through life like it doesn't hurt. This year has been intense and it’s likely to stay intense for a good while longer. Give yourself a break every now and then. Support your recovery. Support your sanity. 

THE DANCE

PhotoCredit: MandyFontana

A curious thing has been happening in businesses around the world. With the rug somewhat pulled out from under them, companies are having to think about how to survive a universe of depressed revenues. A few businesses are seemingly pandemic-proof. It’s an exceptional time to be in the flour industry. Supermarkets have been obvious winners in a world where there has been low-to-no dining choice. Airlines are at the other end of the spectrum; “wintering” fleets, routes and employees in an attempt to stay alive.

Most businesses will sit somewhere in the middle. Through necessity I have become a student of economic shock. It’s been fascinating observing industry at large absorb the seismic waves of Covid-19. 

Many businesses took an early lead with good market messaging. Most are now silent. As if the real issues are behind us. I personally believe that, certainly in the US and likely world over, the Northern-Hemisphere summer is propping up a depressed market. Winter is coming. It will likely hit hard.

As a mentor and advisor, I counsel agility. Usually when I speak about agility I am talking about technology development: my familiar playground of sprints, scrums and stand-ups. Agile development is still important but, right now, it’s imperative to be an agile business.

A friend referred to this as “the dance between planning and execution.” There is an implication of fluidity in her offering that is central to the delicate balance that today’s commerce hangs on. Yes we need to plan and absolutely we must rethink our strategy. We must also understand that there is so much we still don’t know. 

The best way to plan for unknown variables is to incorporate feedback loops into your execution strategy. Step One is to set clearly defined objectives, outcomes or goals you are trying to achieve. Make them detailed, this is no time for wishy washy statements of intent. 

Step Two is to make them measurable and time bound. Some people like to use S.M.A.R.T goals. I love the OKR system.

I don’t mind what methodology you use, Step Three is what I care about. Step Three is that you create a regular review process where you assess your expectations against reality. Are you performing as you expected? Is the market performing as you expected? What’s working and what do you need to rethink?

One of the businesses I work with decided to monitor daily transactions. This is our unknown variable, so we track the data. It has been illuminating. We have a million hypotheses about what the volumes will be. They are all hunches and guesswork. This information forces a daily assessment of our strategy by focussing us on the reality of our industry. 

Thinking through the lens of what you don’t know affords a little knowledge in an unknowable world. It allows you to be fluid with the execution of your strategy as you see the hard truths of the reality you are working in. President and CEO of Ford, Alan Mulally, famously said “Data will set you free.” Free to dance perhaps?

MORE COWBELL

PhotoCredit: Coffee

I sang lead vocals in a band when I was in high school. It sounds a lot cooler than it was. I mean, I thought I was pretty cool at the time, but (#realtalk) I wasn’t. 
 
At one point the band thought we should add a little cowbell percussion into the mix. Something I could “play” as I sang. Sounded fun to me. I embraced it 110% as I do most things. Well, for a solid minute...it was rather quickly determined that we didn’t actually need cowbell. We definitely didn’t need me playing cowbell.

Singing while banging out a rhythm is hard. Especially hard for someone who lacks natural rhythm. Will Farrell and I share the same gift. 
 
I attempted a similar rhythmic feat the other day while on a board call. These are monthly meetings where we conduct a high level review of the key strategic priorities for the company. It requires your brain to jump from topic to topic - holding space for the new information that comes from the presenters and from the questions your fellow directors ask.
 
You learn to get great at reading massive board packs, excellent at listening and quite ninja about asking questions. If I have learnt anything from being a director it’s been how to ask a good question. That, and that multi-tasking really is a myth. 
 
Even simple multi-tasking. I am not trying to do calculus while a paper is presented. The mere act of silencing my phone, as a call attempted to interrupt the meeting, stopped me from hearing what was being said.

The problem is we need to do a little multi-tasking in long meetings. The science on optimal brain functioning, as I have been taught, suggests that 90 minutes is about all we are good for. We need a break from intense focus at that point to literally reboot our brain. A break on that cadence is difficult to coordinate with a complex agenda so I end up in brain-management mode. I know that every 90 minutes or so my brain needs to regroup and I consciously shift-gears for five minutes. Sometimes it’s impossible, that’s what caffeine is for. Having a snack will divert your brain and not your focus. Doodling or sketching your meeting notes also helps as it activates other parts of your brain. I have also found drinking cold water refreshing for mind and body. That last one might just be me!

My favorite, though, is the tried and true "walk and talk". Most of us can multi-task that combination. It has become harder now that we are all on camera. It can look a little odd. So, I have started declaring it to the group, saying, “I’m turning my camera off for five minutes so I can do some steps.” This is a pro-move that we can all integrate into our meetings and more broadly our daily working routines.
 
Have a think about what might work for you. There are a number of things that you can do that require very low brain functioning that can be done in tandem with being fully engaged in a meeting. The trick is to understand what those are for you. For me, cowbell is not one of them.

IN A DAZE

PhotoCredit: LovePik

I woke up this morning, after a restful and productive weekend, feeling super-charged for the week ahead. I’d cranked on a number of projects that had eluded me, I’d had some Covid-appropriate social engagement, Yoga and Pilates CHECK. I was ready to knock out the week. Garfield so got it wrong, Mondays rock.

I checked my email, to be sure nothing urgent came in over-night. Then I got cranking on a few admin tasks I had left over from my super-star weekend.

Then I realized, oh yeah, my blog. That thing I write every week. For like the last 18 months. Same routine. Each week. Still managed to forget.

I mean, it’s the first item on my to-do list for the week. I just hadn’t opened my notebook yet. I got so caught up in a lot of little things and I got distracted from my main thing in the process.

It’s all recoverable. I’m writing it now. I’ll get it done. What is super interesting is how easy it is for us to get veered away from the important things in life. Focus and keeping the main thing the main thing are core to my beliefs - and my daily practice. Still, it was that easy to miss a beat. That easy to slip up.

It was amazing to conquer some of the pebbles and the sand, to use Steven Covey’s language. My misstep was not re-focussing at the end of that process. I got too caught up in the impossible and unimportant goal of inbox-zero and distracted myself from what I really care about.

It’s the end of June. We are half way through 2020. The most distracted year on record. You can be forgiven for letting every little (and big) thing take you off-course. I’ll happily give you a pass for the rest of 2020 too. But, before I do. Sit down for 5 minutes and think about where you want to be January 1, 2021. Well, other than on a beach somewhere drinking Pina Colada’s. What do you really care about. And are you doing those things?