PhotoCredit: TheWake
I was a child of the 80's and a student of the 90's. TV and music were my two biggest influences. As a child these were Fraggle Rock, The Muppet Show, The Wombles, CHiPs, and Knight Rider. Music was WHAM, Madonna, and George Michael when WHAM stopped Whaming. The only reason I think I have a semblance of musical taste is thanks to the incredible jazz showcased on The Muppet Show.
As a young adult I switched gears. The Spice Girls reigned supreme and quirky drama's stole my heart. Friends was a major influence, obvi, alongside My So Called Life and then Ally McBeal towards the end of that decade.
One of my favorite characters in Ally McBeal was Richard Fish played by Greg Germann. His character, if not the whole show, would likely be cancelled-on-arrival today. Provocative only begins to describe the antics that ensued in weekly installments.
Germann/Fish's catchphrase was "Bygones". He said the word to dismiss people's reaction to his poor behavior. He uttered this frequently, as his behavior frequently warranted it.
Lately I have found myself uttering "Bygones" on a rather frequent basis. Though it is warranted for different reasons. Less to dismiss my behavior, more to dismiss the ghosts of yesterday. To move myself and others to the future. To ensure we don't dwell on the past and instead drive ourselves forward. Wayne Dyer talks about this beautifully in of his now historic seminars. When driving a boat, it is a fool's errand to look at the wake, "The wake is the trail that is left behind."
In our business world we call this the Sunk Cost Fallacy. Interestingly this is also called the Bygones Principle or the Concorde Fallacy. Where we erroneously make decisions for the future based on accounting for past investment.
Yes, our best decisions are made based on the information to hand. Yes, much of that information is a collection of past performance but Dyer tells us plainly that "the past does not determine our future." The riddle here is to determine how to make great decisions for the future without reference to the information at hand (the past).
The thin line between the two lies in what we can extrapolate as learnings from past expenditure. Be that expenditure emotional, effort, career, relationship, or financial. We don't have to keep spending just because we did in the past. We don't have to continue to care just because we did in the past. We don't have to keep grieving just because we have something to grieve. We can learn from that expenditure, alter our behavior, and pick a new path to drive forward from.
Ask yourself, does this serve me or my business? It applies equally to massive investments in business lines and assets that are not performing as it does to relationships, long-standing team members who just are not keeping up anymore, and clothes in your closest that no longer fit and taunt you with your failings.
Bygones. Use this magic word at least three times today and deliberately cut ties to what used to be.
SIMPLE MIND
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When life starts happening to us, we default to blaming the big stuff. "I need a holiday" is the immediate and obvious reaction to life's chaotic moments. Closely followed with "I need a new job."
We blame the obvious villains: our partner/boss/colleagues/neighbours/parents/children. Clearly they are the cause of our problems. "If only I didn't have 'x' holding me back."
When life gets hard, we tend to overcorrect. Or at least see the solution in change of a dramatic proportion. The answer clearly lies in switching it all up and getting a new career; moving house; working overseas; or (and) starting a side hustle. With a side order fantasy of disappearing on a 3+ week meditation/yoga retreat. Well, maybe that's just me
The other week I suggested breathwork as a starting place to move through overwhelm. Telling someone to breathe always seems like the most low-level and obvious advice. Right up there with suggesting we drink more water. Oh, and getting more sleep.
We tell ourselves stories that over-complicate our reality. Sure, breathing isn't going to make the endless deadlines stop, but it will help you get clarity about what is really going on. Water isn't going to make you happy, but it will make you feel considerably more energized and capable of dealing with what is thrown your way. And sleep isn't going to stop your kids fighting, but it will allow you to cope infinitely better with your frustration.
We can't see the trees and we only see the forest. Life happens in the simple moments. Optimizing the little things in your life has real power. Big solutions exist in small changes.
ALL POWER
PhotoCredit: Banishing
What do you completely suck at? What is your worst attribute? What is the story that you tell yourself when you are at your lowest; when nothing seems to go your way?
Is there one story? Are there multiple? Are these bedtime stories that play on a loop as you go to sleep or do your stories greet you in the morning? "Rise and Shine. Allow me to start your day with a mental barrage of all the things you will fail at today."
We collect these stories like jeans that no longer fit. Like power cords we will never use. For devices we no longer own. They do not serve us. They do not spark joy. Yet, we cling to them like crutches well after the bones have healed.
We need to banish these thoughts as Jennifer Connolly banished the Goblin King in my all-time favorite movie. We need to state, unequivocally, "you have no power over me."
For the last few weeks I have been working with Julie Cameron's Morning Pages. The process is simple, you write three pages, handwritten, in a journal each morning. No stopping. No editing. Just write.
This process magically draws out the stories. Gets them from the head to the page and removes their energy. As the nonsense is forcibly extracted it has no where to hide. Laid bare, it becomes less a statement and more a (bad) question. Then, it seemingly shrivels and dies as the question is revealed for the rubbish it is.
The evening stories are a little sneakier. They feed on the unsuspecting end-of-day brain. A brain that has been busily helping you process information and sees this as another input. A brain that doesn't know any better than to get to work like any other instruction from the boss. Whispering to you as you shut your eyes at night. Slipping in at the last minute to disturb and disrupt your sleep.
Except, you are the boss. This is your moment to have control of one small thing for the day. So shut that dialogue down and fill the void with something else. I love an inspiring podcast or meditation podcast, Deepak Chopra or Tara Brach always work for me. I am also a big fan of proper bedtime stories a la audible. Pick anything that floats your boat. Set the sleep timer on your app and drift on off. The Goblin King can go mess with someone else's head.
START FRESH
PhotoCredit: BrightEyed
Last week we met the perfectionist monster - the uninvited guest on our bold adventures into brave new lands. The perfectionist monster also brings its baggage along for the trip. This is not a personalized set of Louis Vuitton cases ala The Darjeeling Limited. (Oh how I love that movie). Less that, more "I can't get out of bed let alone make a decision to save myself" baggage.
Welcome to the stranglehold of anxiety and indecision that accompanies any foray into the unknown.
Rollo May says it best "Because it is possible to create — one has anxiety. One would have no anxiety if there were no possibility whatever."
When we set out to do anything new, anxiety is a byproduct. The act of creating induces anxiety, we are "destroying the status quo, destroying old patterns within oneself, progressively destroying what one has clung to from childhood on, and creating new and original forms and ways of living." - Rollo May
So the change process, the following your bliss process, the doing something new process isn't a comfortable one.
I read this Rollo May quote after exiting my second start-up. In a speech I did around the same time I talked about the low-level of nausea that followed me around where-ever I went. Rollo May helped me understand where that feeling came from. He also helped me understand that, while it wasn't a great feeling, it was a great indicator that I was venturing into creative territory. The bad feeling was a barometer of me doing great work.
That speech was the birth of The Squiggly Life. From that moment on I have attempted to share my learnings of the squiggly life and to be a guide and a friend to those living it. Because it's a lonely, fear-inducing and - in case you missed this - always anxious process.
It's also incredibly rewarding and glorious.
My goal is to normalize the feelings that might otherwise cripple us. To assure you that discomfort is an indicator you are doing it right. Comfort is not going to move you up the mountain.
So that feeling you have. That it might all fall apart any second. That you might not be good enough. That certainly other people are better than you. That this was a bad idea. That you should go back to safer ground. All those feelings mean you are doing exactly the right thing.
Exactly. The. Right. Thing.
Keep doing it. You are among friends.
THE JENGA OF IT ALL
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Jenga feels so much like real life. Just as you have diligently organized your ambitions and projects, pieces of your carefully constructed stack are moved out from under you. Inevitably, it all falls down. Work gets in the way; people get in the way; Omicron gets in the way; changing seasons get in the way; and - let's face it - we get in our own way.
Our ambitions, goals and objectives become remote as the obstacles to overcome them loom large.
We started this year talking about getting clear about what we want for ourselves. Our I AM statements were a declaration of who we want to be in the world. We then assessed our actions - what do I need to do more of (or less of) to be that person? Then we dove into productivity for most of February, establishing an operating rhythm for our areas of focus.
Armed with clarity of vision and efficiency, surely nothing could touch us. Yet, inevitably comes the creep. Workload, life-load and overload take hold and we realize we are not the person we stated we wanted to be. Ambition-Reality dissonance is what we are going to call this. I have read countless books that seek to solve this problem via willpower, small changes, focus, relentlessness, loving oneself and not-giving-a-F__K. They are all entertaining reads. They are also all not very helpful.
The best advice I heard/read lately is that we need to turn the dial from denial to adventure. We tend to approach the broader realm of improvement through deprivation and discipline. What we can't have. What we must do. We take all the damn fun out of life. No wonder that on a bad day we disappear ourselves into a bag of potato chips and a bottle of wine.
Life is not an exercise in self-flagellation. What's the point of ambition if every step of your journey is like walking on broken glass. Ok, I am being a little dramatic.
The trick, the secret, is to make it fun. Make it enjoyable. Do email for an hour in the morning at a cafe; do your reading in the bath; put epic music on as you clean out your inbox (you can pause it when you have to think); color coordinate your calendar; play jargon bingo on conference calls; use colored pens instead of black and blue (who made up that stupid rule anyway?)
There will be some hard moments and mountains to climb along the way. Just don't make the day-to-day a relentless hard moment. Don't make following your dreams an impossible mountain. The more you find ways to enjoy life, the more energy you will have to spare when you really need it.
THE MOST WONDER
PhotoCredit: Space
The final sprint to the end of the year is upon us. Holiday plans to make (cancellable of course; the new certainty is uncertainty.) Gifts to purchase (supply chains pending.) Projects to finish (maybe this is the year for inbox zero?) Parties to attend.
This year feels especially chaotic. The ebb and flow of on again and off again plans. Borders opening and closing. Stores open but stock pending. Traffic oddly busy. Deliveries unpredictable. Work seemingly gearing up, not quietening down.
It's easy for this time of year to be overwhelming and manic. It's easy to forget the wonder of this time of year. The rituals, the celebration, the sentiments and the implied rest of "the holidays." It's easy to let it all slip by as you, with tightened breath and panicked mind, race to the finish-line.
I'm doing it myself. My mind is a swirling tornado of things I need to do. My calendar is awash with meetings, dinners, and final calls for the year. It's not called the silly season for nothing.
When you are paddling in rapids you go with the flow. Not against it. I have personally given up on any misconception that I can be on top of everything. The everything is very much on top of me. I am in the depths of chaos and my work right now is to be ok with that. If things go a little sideways, if a few good habits drop, it's temporary.
Regardless, put a life-jacket on. Create space for a little calm. Maybe cancel a couple of meetings that really don't have to happen. Simplify your gift giving. Delete a couple of to-do items now rather than punishing yourself thinking you can do it all. And take a breath. Then take another breath. Now go, go, go. The clock's ticking.
PRACTICE MAKES
PhotoCredit: Balancing Act
I recently lost my yoga practice. Poof, gone. For over years now I have been practicing almost daily and then, I just stopped. For the life of me I couldn't get started. Hike, yes. Run, sure. Yoga, nah. Big fat pass.
Then like magic it came back. It's early days but I know I'm wired for asana again. It's like connecting with an old friend, except we are not quite picking up where we left off. I fear I have lost a little strength.
I found over the years that daily yoga is an excellent way of checking in with myself. Some days my balance is off. Some days I don't feel strong. Some days I don't know my left from my right. Well, that last one is most days. I was acutely aware while I wasn't practicing, I wasn't checking in with myself. There was no place in my life when I was gauging where I was against my baseline.
When we were young we were told that we must practice to improve. With practice came the implied promise of perfection. Perfect output and perfect people? As I grow less young I relish how imperfect I am. Frustrating as that might be some times. Practice helps me understand that perfect is the wrong aspiration. Practice grounds me in this moment and allows me to be everything I need to be, here and now.
Coming to my mat each day is a checkpoint. For you it might be journalling, playing an instrument, cooking, coding or organizing your closets (that's my other favorite practice). It's the thing you do regularly. Hopefully daily. Where the doing is what is perfect. The doer is anything but perfect. Just like this doer. Perfectly imperfect. Wink.
DOWN TIME
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I had a moment of defeat yesterday. I lost my cool. After a week of 'dealing with' (or frankly being dealt to by) Microsoft Teams, it's failure to work on all of my devices unleashed the beast. Beaten, I was unable to stop the ranting tirade that exploded on an unsuspecting colleague and friend. So uncool. And, worse still, that triggered his own frustrated tirade about his technology issues. Way to not help others Claudia!
When the pandemic first hit, I reflexively upgraded my iPhone. Something in me acknowledged that I would be spending a lot more time with my devices. Similarly, I woke up this morning thinking I needed to buy another device solely for teams calls. UGH, wrong response. What I need to do is some software maintenance; couple's counseling with my technology. We've just been spending a little too much time with each other and we both need a reset.
So I have scheduled an afternoon this week to work through a few of my over-used systems (google docs, trello, evernote and my calendar), devices (iPhone, iPad and Macbook) and tools/software (Teams! and frankly anything Microsoft). A spring-clean of my technology as it were.
With the end of the year hurtling towards us, I have clear completion goals: I want my systems in check as I close things out. A clean inbox, to-do list (with a heavy cull as needed) and a working operating system. Usually the end of the year is a chaos of events. The pandemic has given all of us a chance to under-indulge in that should we so choose. Whatever it looks like for you, think about what it will take for you to Finish 2021 With A Flourish.
SIDE STEP
PhotoCredit: Lait
I somehow managed to delete all my google chrome profiles yesterday. I thought I was doing some smart computer maintenance. I ended up wiping all my shortcuts. While recoverable in the long term, I was seeing hours of work ahead of me. Nothing like creating a project for yourself!
Thankfully a meeting was pushed out 30 minutes and I had time to work through my crisis. That, and, I had a moment of clarity where I realized how I could restore it.
Not all messes can be so swiftly cleaned up. I reflected on the day when our building manager fell though our kitchen ceiling mid-pandemic. My kitchen bathed in 100 year-old distgustingness. That drama took hours to clean up.
We are regularly confronted by variations on the spilled milk theme. Years ago I developed a three-step "don't panic" system that I deploy in such occasions.
Step One: Name what happened. I find that it helps me a lot if I zoom out of the problem. Step back and name the issue. Categorize it as a tech issue, or a deep clean, or a "I have to get someone to the emergency room" situation. Hopefully it's not the latter. When we go to emotion first we diminish our ability to cope because we are compounding the issue with our feelings. Leave that for later, preferably over a glass of wine.
Step Two: Calmly acknowledge that you are pissed-the-F-off about the situation. While we don't want to get bundled up in our emotions we also don't want to pretend they don't exist. So I usually give myself a moment to quietly exclaim to myself that this was not in my plans for the day and then I take a deep breath. The reality is that stuff goes wrong from time to time. It's part of the making of the cake of life that we need to break some eggs. If it's happening daily then you might need to do a bigger assessment of what's happening in your life. That will need to be a bigger/longer blog. Step Two is designed to acknowledge the feels but not drown in them.
Step Three: Step away for a moment. My meeting being delayed 30 minutes gave me the time to do the most critical step in the process. By literally removing yourself from the situation you give yourself space for your brain to connect a few dots. We tend to get entangled in the problem and, frankly, we end up making a bigger mess. When I stepped away yesterday I realized I could check my chrome settings on my ipad and copy them over to my laptop. Instantly I solved the issue. My kitchen clean up on the other hand took a lot more work BUT in my stepping away from that I saw the opportunity to do a deep clean of my kitchen. When I viewed the issue through that lens I ended up feeling satisfied at the end of the process rather than angry or hard-done-by.
Obviously, if the issue is of the "drive someone to emergency" variety you want to move through these steps quite quickly but you do still want to do them. Acknowledging your inevitable fear and anxiety, taking a breath, and then step away for a nanosecond to assess the practicalities of the situation. Rushing out the door without your phone and charger, a warm sweater or your wallet is likely going to make your issue worse not better.
When a crisis hits, big or small, panic is not your friend. Perspective is.
THE GAME IS AFOOT
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I have often likened squiggling to trying to piece together a jigsaw puzzle - without the picture on the box and with all the pieces turned upside down. Possibly slightly dramatic but many days feel this way: overwhelmed by where to start let alone clear where you are going.
I recently dabbled in the world of dissectology. That is a sentence I never imagined writing. Puzzlers are evidently also called dissectologists as the origins of jigsaw puzzles were dissected maps. A girlfriend of mine had a 1,000 piece puzzle freshly out of the box and I couldn’t help myself. Immediately, what seemed relatively simple became hard. All the pieces blurred into one. In seconds it seemed impossible. “How do I tackle this?,” I thought to myself - somewhat curious and amused that a puzzle of dog breeds was making me feel overwhelmed.
According to the internet, the broader term for a puzzler is enigmatologist. This includes solvers of other non-jigsaw puzzles and other math and logic head-scratchers. For your complete education it seems these words are often used interchangeably. Who knew? Well, now you do.
Anything with the root word “enigma” sounds seriously cool. And what is this thing we call life if not an enigma: “a person or thing that is mysterious or difficult to understand.” There is great joy on the other side of a puzzle. Mystery, jigsaw or otherwise - enigmatologists and dissecologists approach a problem with delight in the challenge. They are not overwhelmed by the deep hole of the difficulty or the thousand pieces laying in front of them.
Finding the joy in the challenge is the real game. The joy comes from tackling something because it’s hard. Perverse, maybe, but this is where resilience is born. When we know something is difficult, we know it will stretch us, and we go for it anyway. We go for it knowing there is a possibility we could fail. We go for it despite the fear lurking, dismissing the little-loud voice that tells us we can’t.
With my jigsaw puzzle encounter, I realised I just needed to find a place to start. I found one part of the puzzle that looked approachable and collected all the pieces for that element. Through much trial and error I finally got there. It was only 5% completed but the small victory gave me great confidence I could tackle the rest. Overwhelm begone. A winning formula for puzzles, mysteries and life.
The story would be a lot cleaner if I finished the puzzle but it wasn’t actually mine to finish. So, I left the rest for my friend. If only we could do that with all of life’s complexity...but where would the joy be in that?
DETOUR
PhotoCredit: WrongWay
A big part of squiggling is having the confidence that you are on the right path. That you are making progress and moving forward, even when it feels like you are not. Especially when you feel that you are not.
Life doesn’t progress in neat straight lines. We expect it to. We like to think we can chart our goals and our progress to the day and date. “This will be the million dollar month for our business”, “I will lose xx weight by the awards dinner”, “We will have babies before I am 35.”
We learn straight lines as kids. Everything we do is brain-expanding and feels (mostly) easeful. We are constantly reading, having new experiences, playing, creating and dreaming. Growth is fast, non-complex and rather linear.
As adults, it gets complex. Growth is slow and reserved for moments when we are not “busy with grown-up duties.” Maybe we read a book. We dream in very rare, inspired, moments. Creating is seldom and play is unlikely.
We don’t make much time for growth but we expect it. We expect to be smarter, fitter, thinner, promoted, funded, respected...and all as the result of doing the same stuff we did yesterday. The same formula, the same inputs, the same exchanges. We are doing the same stuff...and expecting different results. Someone once called this the definition of insanity.
The linear game is a fool's game. Your revenues will fluctuate, you will have good weeks and bad weeks and sometimes what goes up will get stuck in a tree and will not come down. These are the results of the linear.
Sometimes you have to do the opposite of what you think you should do. Sometimes you have to go left to go right. Take a detour. Take a day off. Cancel your meetings for a week. Block out a month of mornings as reading time. Ask yourself “what are three other ways I could tackle this problem?” Experiment. Try a different approach.
So often we think our destination lies dead-ahead and that the straight and narrow will get us there. We can’t see that the road curving off will eventually bring us to our destination. We are speeding down the highway so fast we miss the exit that will get us there faster.
Commit to your destination but don’t be rigid about the navigation. Have a look at your day-to-day and ask yourself if there are any side-streets you should explore?
MANIC AT THE DISCO
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Slowly but surely LA is returning to a degree of normalcy. The lead indicator of this is that driving in LA now sucks again. That was fun while it lasted. Restaurants are open (social-distance style), museums are starting to emerge from their dormancy and I have even heard rumors of dance parties. I have not been invited to said dance parties. I am clearly not part of that crowd (nor am I ready) but it's nice to hear the cool kids have somewhere to do their cool things.
Enthusiastically, I booked tickets for LACMA today. I should be there now. I am instead happily at home, hermit-like, writing to you and listening to some new music. I had my own dance party, table for one please.
Apparently, I am not ready to return to normal. Not yet ready to race around in traffic, leaping from this obligation to that, filling my days with offerings from the outside world. The pandemic dealt some harsh blows but permission to be a little less manic was not one of them. I am still enjoying the solitude, the quiet, having just a little less to do and a little more time to be.
It's easy to add. It's easy to feel the weight of a million obligations and re-energize the FOMO fueled existence we had #before. It's harder to stay still and listen.
I'm just suggesting we bury ourselves in an insular existence by any means. I had our boys over last night, avec new girlfriend, and I had forgotten how much I missed our fun gatherings of food, maybe a few drinks and always an episode of South Park. It fueled me and filled me with joy. That's my new filter: will it make me burst with happiness? FOMO is not a good filter.
My encouragement to you this week is to look at your calendar through that same lens. If the activity doesn't make you want to dance with joy, you are better off staying at home and cranking up the music. Or having a nap. I won't tell.
FLY
PhotoCredit: Andrzej Rabiegahi
I was raised on a bizarre cocktail of The Wombles (a rather curious British show), The Muppets (I truly hope you are familiar) and The Beatles (who need no introduction).
I had a nostalgic moment remembering eight year old me sneaking into the "good room" to play my Wombles, Muppets and Beatles records. A nostalgic moment that was inspired by this beautiful rendition of the Beatle's Blackbird by Emma Stevens. It's 2.36 minutes. Listen, Breathe, Smile.
Emma's song is a celebration of indigenous language. A creative solution to bringing awareness to the fragility of the many dying languages around the world. In this video I see the power to educate through beauty, creativity and music. I saw the same in my childhood influences.
The Wombles and The Muppets taught me to be creative, inclusive and slightly odd. To come at problems from a unique perspective. My mantra's "Big, Brave, Bold" and "embrace your weirdness" were clearly influenced by the insanity of these shows.
The Beatles taught me something different. I was attracted to songs like Norwegian Wood, In My Life and Blackbird. Rubber Soul was my jam. They taught me about the importance of the quiet moments. The thoughtful moments.
We need the quiet moments. The quiet moments fuel the mad and creative moments. The quiet moments create a pause, suspending our habitual reaction and allowing something new to potentially come through.
As the world starts to see the possibility of re-opening, we run the risk of racing back to the hyperventilation that was our prior life. Allowing all the busy-ness back in. Resist that reflex. Keep some of the quiet that the pandemic gifted us. Find space to be creative. Find time to be inspired. Where is that time in your week? Where is that time in your day?
GOT TASTE
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It’s been a year, give or take, since our lives were dramatically changed. We were given the ultimate time-out. Seemingly confined to our bedrooms, to think about what we had done.
For most of us, even if we had a “good pandemic”, it’s been hard. On some level. Or all the levels. While nature seemed reborn, humans suffered. It was hard not to feel that. We have all worn ourselves a little think.
There is a lot of recovery we need to do. It’s personal and it’s collective. It’s emotional and it’s fiscal. It’s complex but I also think it’s simple.
I have recently discovered the healing power of classical music. Evidently I do have some music taste. I randomly searched Spotify and found this playlist. I cannot recommend it highly enough. It’s very approachable. It’s deeply restorative. It’s like one of those epic Yin Yoga classes, but for your ears.
Then I found out about online concerts. I’m an idiot. Of course these were happening. I can’t say I am much for choral music but my music people tell me that Voces8 is some of the top stuff. It’s getting played pretty loudly at the moment. It seems to re-energize the room, if that’s a thing. Like all the bad energy scampers in the presence of such angelic voices.
When I tripped over this remarkable video it was clear. A Concerto is a Conversation. It’s 13 minutes of sublime perfection. Do yourself a favor and watch it. It’s not so much classical music as the story of how a composer came to be. Through the eyes of his grandfather. If it was food it would be umami.
Music is food for the soul. We need to feast. It's calorie-free indulgence. Eat up.
THE TRICKLE
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It’s the first week of the year and notions of rebirth flicker. How will I be this year? Who will I be this year? We resolve and commit (and cheat just a little) and imagine the whole new us that we possibly could be. Glorious plans. Glorious ambitions. Glorious imagining of anything that might improve on the mess of last year.
Then the world emerges from it’s vacation-coma and the trickle begins. From the deep slumber of rest, recovery, and possible reverie. Like bulbs sprouting in spring, our inbox starts to show signs of life. The work year has begun.
We read and we work out and we do all the things we told ourselves we would do. Then the trickle. We make exceptions. Well, just this one here and that one there. We slowly undo the good. We unwind the resolve. We are creatures and we have habits apparently. Tomorrow I will...today it can wait.
As we stick to new rules and form new habits, it can feel a little inconsequential. Saying no feels like a punishment and rather dull. Our inner rebel is screaming for us to go back to the old fun we used to have.
Greatness is achieved in the moments that we could but we don’t. Moments we almost, but we stop ourselves. They don’t appear to be moments of importance. Victories against the trickle are quiet, non-celebratory, and a little bit boring.
Old habits will suddenly flood as the volume is turned up on the year. This first week is the critical time to manage the trickle. Before it manages you.
THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF CRAZY
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The options at this time of year are pretty limited. Either you go a little insane with all the moving pieces that the end of the year requires OR you drink just enough to quiet the madness. Or maybe over-eat. Or maybe zone-out binge-watching as you wrangle holiday lights, gift wrapping, menu planning and last minute shopping.
Or all of the above.
It’s easy, after the year we have had, to create out-sized-anxiety-over-everything. This has always been a busy time of year and we are hurtling at it in a very depleted and fraught state. World-over we are exhausted and really don’t have the reserves we need for the mania that is the “silly-season”.
Meanwhile, I am avoiding all of my usual tune-out mechanisms which is leaving me with the “go a little insane” option. My mind has taken over. Throughout the day the computer screen that is my brain sends me not-so-useful notifications. Buy this, do that, worry about this, think about that. It’s incessant and endless and fundamentally unhelpful.
The real options are to either let this overload and overwhelm us OR see it for what it is. A bunch of silly activity that really is meaningless in the broader scheme of things. Put in other words: decide what you need to worry about and forget about the rest.This isn’t just now advice, it’s life advice.
2020 has sucked but it’s also been a great teacher. I’m working on being a great student. Working on not letting the little things become big things. Working on gratitude for all the great things I have in my life. Working on ensuring that all voices are heard and that all people are represented. Working on being a great human.
Even when our options are limited, or non-optimal, we always have a choice. When we stop seeing our capacity to choose we give in to the madness.
So take stock. How are you doing? Truly, how are you doing? Ask yourself and be honest. And also ask yourself, what could I do right now to be just a little less crazy? Just a little less...just the right amount of crazy.
MAD DASH
PhotoCredit: Vroom
With holiday parties and vacation planning officially off the list in Los Angeles, what’s a girl to do? It’s not that the actual holidays got cancelled, just everything else that goes along with them. Husband and I started planning and got no further than green beans and roast potatoes. No prizes for guessing that this is a keto household!
After an initial “bake, eat, drink” response to the pandemic, our household evolved into yoga-dedication, carb-elimination and nutrition-obsession. A momentary lapse in judgment over Thanksgiving backfired into a three-day hangover. Consequently we are a little hesitant about any of the usual vices. I never imagined I would be scared of croissants, apple pie or wine.
The tree went up on Friday. Twinkly lights are so festive but, I realize, that’s all I’ve got. I’m even out of gift ideas after a year of Covid-induced-panic-boredom shopping.
So I’m left with a mild anxiety. How do I make this moment count? How do I celebrate?
My usual mad dash to the finish-line has become a soggy-whimper. No food to prepare, vacation to plan, wine to pair or gifts to purchase. No partridge. No pear tree.
There is a lost-ness that creeps in quietly and then loudly. Who am I without the gifts under the tree? Who am I without a glass of champagne to celebrate? Who am I without a party to go to, a dinner to attend or a date night in a cute dress?
There is a great sense of emptiness. Of loss. Such is the way of change. While absence and possibility exist in the same moment, the absence is louder. It's palpable.
In the face of change we typically cling to what we know. What we had. We resist the evolution. This year has imposed so much on us. Ready or not, here it came. Some change was valid but, over the holidays, it just feels like deprivation.
I recognize my resistance. I see that I am clinging.
It’s ok to feel the loss, to feel the absence. I give myself permission and I give you permission. I also encourage you, as I am encouraging myself, to look for the new. Look for the opportunities. Maybe in this moment of deprivation you will begin a new tradition? As forced on you as it might be.
I am resolute that I will do the work. I will experiment. I can find the new. And I can also tell you one thing for sure. I refuse to have a tree with a naked bottom. That's one thing that doesn't need to change. Time for one last online-shopping push.
ESCAPE HATCH
PhotoCredit: Chick
I just spent a week away. Nothing fancy, a little local trip to escape the city. These mini trips have been a needed escape hatch this year. I get that it’s a luxury. 2019 luxuries were spa treatments, international trips and hugs. 2020 luxuries are a quiet mind and a quick home workout. Maybe a curbside pickup meal. Moments without being a breadwinner, teacher, parent, chef and housekeeper. I appreciate the little things a lot more in 2020.
While others were having 10am happy hour, poolside, I had completed my morning hike and was invariably settling in with some quality computer time. My idea of a vacation apparently changed somewhere along the way. I happily plowed my way through articles I hadn’t found the time to read, deep diving on a couple of topics of interest and catching up on the stuff that was important but not urgent.
The Eisenhower Matrix taught me the power of understanding what is Urgent and Important. Simply put, what has to be done first. Every other task becomes of lesser importance, they become “do later” tasks. Urgent but Less Important; Not Urgent but Important; and Not Urgent or Important.
I have always been a big fan of this lesser known Matrix. Sure, it isn't as cool as the Keanu one but it will arguably bring you more pleasure. At various times in my career, I sorted my email based on this methodology. It works! Try it if your inbox is currently completely unmanageable.
The problem is that everything in 2020 has felt Urgent and Important. There seems to be no room for anything else. Ok, so a lot of the Not Urgent or Important tasks seem to get done. I will find time to reorder coffee and even research and buy a new coffee machine (arguably this is Urgent and Important!) but reading a paper on data architecture falls by the wayside. You do the math!
The bigger problem is that a lot of your career-changing and business-transformation ideas lie in the not-urgent realm. They are being overlooked in the chaos. We have to find a way to prioritize this work.
As 2020 draws to a close, we know we can expect a similar 2021. For many, we will still be working and schooling from home. At least in part. Even if we are not, there is an urgency to the current global climate that will continue to throw us off our game. That will continue to make the day-to-day Urgent and everything else a mere wake in the path of the year.
My escape hatch has become a core strategy to optimize myself and my work. A planned week, with limited phone calls (none if possible), provides the space to think and review what is Important but elusive in a busy year. In a busy life!
I offer the Eisenhower Matrix as a tool to help you prioritize the competing demands that are our new reality. I offer the escape hatch as a power-up on this. Sort through your to-do list and create an escape hatch list. You don’t need to leave town (though it sure helps). Just clear your calendar to the bare minimum and create time to think.
WISE WORDS
PhotoCredit: EliseGravel
I recently had the pleasure of interviewing some superstar female founders. Maybe these aren’t word for word what I was told (#artisticlicense) but they capture the inspiring brilliance that ensued:
Don’t work on your weaknesses, it’s a waste of time.
Show up magnificently or don’t show up at all.
Surround yourself with those who love you and support your greatness.
Optimize sleep, exercise and diet to optimize your life.
Defensiveness will only limit you.
When in doubt, immediately pause and seek advice.
Life is long, you will have multiple adventures.
Think scale in all you do.
Lead with your heart and from your heart.
Be Who You Are.
These are war cries. Pick-me-up’s on bad day’s. Reminders to self to lead an exceptional life. Reminders to self not to compromise our greatness.
Don’t work on your weaknesses, it’s a waste of time. Work more on your strengths and surround yourself with people who are great at the things you are not. This isn’t permission to be a non-evolving asshole. Growth is always required. Perfection is not.
Show up magnificently or don’t show up at all. Don’t compromise yourself. Figure out how you function best and cultivate those habits in your life. Be ready for the spotlight, always.
Surround yourself with those who love you and support your greatness. Set your life up so you are supported and can support others. You will be happier and more successful.
Optimize sleep, exercise and diet to optimize your life. Health shortcuts will eventually demand you repay the deficit. With interest!
Defensiveness will only limit you. Take the advice you are given. Absorb it. Own it. The stuff that rubs the wrong way is likely the stuff that you really need to hear.
When in doubt, immediately pause and seek advice. Don’t keep digging when you think you might be in a hole.
Life is long. You will have multiple adventures. It’s easy to think each venture is the only venture or that we are STUCK in the job we have. Instead of looking for the exit - look for learning and growth opportunities. How can this moment prepare you for your future greatness?
Think scale in all you do. You are not building a billion dollar business on day one - but you should know what that path might look like. Think bigger (and dream bigger) than you dare.
Lead with your heart and from your heart. Fuel your people and your projects with passion and consciousness. You will thrive, your people will thrive and your business will thrive.
Be Who You Are. There is no mold that you have to fit in. It’s your life, live it the way you want to. Be the person you want to be - not the person others think you should be.
UPSIDE DOWN
Photo Credit: Battish
I woke up this morning feeling pretty depleted. Welcome to Monday. I had a board meeting on Sunday (New Zealand Monday) and so Saturday was reading board papers and Sunday was all work. So Monday feels like...well who even knows anymore.
Usually I bounce out of bed and write my blog first thing on a Monday. Usually I draft it on Sunday. Today I sat in bed and drank coffee while scrolling through my email and looking for new dog toys that might take Winston the puppy more than a nano-second to destroy. Welcome to a six-month old puppy. #Ieateverything.
My practice, and let’s call it a discipline because it needs to be, is to do things like email and toy-purchasing at the end of the day. I do a quick email-check to make sure I am not holding anything up but I work hard not to get sucked into the Hamster-Wheel of letting my inbox dictate my priorities. I focus on the stuff that will move my life forward, while my brain is fresh.
There was nothing fresh about my brain today.
So the puppy got a bath instead. The laundry got done. The rubbish taken out. The dying roses were liberated from their vases. The house got a vacuum. I had a second coffee.
How familiar does this sound? Procrastinate much?
Daily, this is a problem. When your brain-battery needs a charge, we need to give ourselves a big fat pass on the discipline. Especially when the life stuff is staring us in the face much more than it usually does. Or staring ourselves in the nose, in the case of puppies that need a bath.
I am acutely aware that today’s distractions were instant gratification for my productivity-obsessed self. They were easy, low-hanging, to-do list fruit. So I grabbed it. There is something nice about feeling like you are winning the day from a stalled-start.
So check in with yourself on a daily basis. Do you need to clock some productivity points and feel like the day has momentum. Go for it! Get those little things done. You deserve to feel like a winner. Then get to work. Make another cup of coffee and sit down and power up your future. Sweat the small stuff but make sure the real workout happens too. You owe it to yourself to make sure you spend more time in the forest than in the weeds. Or something like that.